How to Be Supportive of Loved Ones Suffering from Anxiety: Lessons from My Journey

 

Living with anxiety, especially when it’s intertwined with PTSD, hyper-vigilance, and depression, can be overwhelming. For years, I struggled with chronic, disabling anxiety that came with its own set of challenges—mood swings, temper flare-ups, and periods of isolation. Not only did I feel trapped inside my own mind, but I also unknowingly trapped my loved ones in the same struggle.

One of the hardest parts of living with anxiety was not knowing how to explain it or how others could help. My wife, who was my closest support system, often asked, “How can I help?” My answer was always the same: “I don’t know.” We were stuck in a cycle where I couldn’t understand how to make it better, and she couldn’t find a way to help. This left us both feeling frustrated and helpless.

However, through therapy and a lot of work on myself, I began to heal, and my anxiety started to lessen. I slowly started feeling like myself again, and as I reflect on that journey, I can’t help but think: if only we had known the strategies that could have made this process easier on both of us. If only we had understood how to communicate more effectively during those times.

I now want to share some of the key lessons and tools I’ve learned over the years in the hope that they can help others who may be struggling with anxiety—and the loved ones who are supporting them.

1. Normalize the Struggle

It’s easy for both the person with anxiety and their loved ones to feel like there’s something inherently wrong or broken about the situation. But anxiety is often an invisible symptom of trauma or mental health challenges, and it can make even the most well-intentioned attempts at connection seem futile.

Normalizing the struggle—acknowledging that both the anxiety sufferer and their loved ones are going through something difficult—can take the pressure off. You don’t have to have all the answers or “fix” everything. Just being present and acknowledging the experience can make a world of difference.

2. Communication is Key, But It’s Okay to Struggle with It

For a long time, my wife and I couldn’t communicate effectively about what I was going through because I didn’t even know what I needed. When she’d ask, “What can I do to help?” I had no answer because I didn’t know either.

What helped us over time was learning how to communicate more openly about what was happening—even if it felt like I couldn’t fully express it. Even a simple “I’m struggling today” was a start. And sometimes, she didn’t need a solution; she just needed to listen and be present.

For loved ones, it’s important to be patient and not expect immediate answers. It can take time for someone with anxiety to figure out what they need. Sometimes, just saying “I don’t know, but I’m here” can go a long way.

3. Learn the Triggers

Understanding the triggers of anxiety can be incredibly helpful. For me, periods of hyper-vigilance would often escalate into heightened anxiety. Stressful situations, feeling overwhelmed, or reminders of past traumas could send me into a spiral.

Being able to recognize these triggers—whether they were external or internal—helped my wife understand when I was starting to slip into an anxious state. It wasn’t about avoiding them completely (which is often impossible), but about being mindful and prepared to respond in healthy ways.

Loved ones can benefit from learning about these triggers and creating an environment that feels safe and supportive. Even something as simple as offering space when it’s needed, or gently reminding the person to practice grounding techniques, can make a difference.

4. Don’t Take It Personally

Anxiety can cause a person to act out in ways that don’t make sense to others—mood swings, irritability, or withdrawal. But these behaviors are often symptoms of the anxiety itself, not a reflection of how the person feels about their loved ones.

During my most challenging moments, I would retreat into myself and shut others out, not because I didn’t care, but because the overwhelm of anxiety made it hard to connect.

It’s important for those supporting someone with anxiety to try not to take things personally. The person with anxiety isn’t rejecting their love—they are struggling to cope with something they can’t always control. Practicing compassion during these times can help everyone stay connected.

5. Support, Don’t Enable

This one is tricky, and it’s taken me a long time to grasp. Loved ones often want to help by taking on the person’s burdens, but there’s a fine line between offering support and enabling unhealthy patterns.

During my worst moments of anxiety, I found comfort in isolation, which only worsened my state. My wife was torn between wanting to help and wanting to give me space. What we eventually realized was that healthy support meant encouraging me to step out of my comfort zone, even when I didn’t want to.

This could mean encouraging me to leave the house for a walk, suggesting I talk to my therapist, or offering gentle reminders to use coping mechanisms like deep breathing or mindfulness. Support is about empowering the person to take steps toward healing, not shielding them from everything.

6. Know When to Seek Professional Help

While loved ones are incredibly important in the healing process, there are times when professional help is needed. Anxiety—especially when tied to PTSD and depression—can be deeply ingrained, and there’s only so much that friends and family can do. Therapy, medication, and support groups are vital tools for long-term healing.

Asking for help doesn’t mean someone is weak—it means they are taking proactive steps toward healing. For loved ones, encouraging this process and being understanding of the time and energy it takes to seek help can be immensely supportive.

7. Self-Care for Loved Ones

Supporting someone with anxiety can take a toll on your own mental health. It’s essential that loved ones prioritize their own self-care to avoid burnout. This could mean setting healthy boundaries, seeking support for themselves, or engaging in activities that bring them joy and relaxation.

Taking care of yourself ensures you can continue being there for the person you love, and it sets a good example of healthy emotional boundaries.

Reflecting on my journey, I realize just how much we could have benefited from these strategies early on. My wife and I both struggled with the frustration of not knowing how to help, but with patience, learning, and professional support, we came to understand what I needed and how she could support me.

For those who are in similar situations, I hope these tools help you navigate the complexities of living with anxiety, PTSD, and depression. The journey isn’t easy, but with the right support and strategies, healing is possible. And remember, even on the toughest days, you are not alone in this struggle.